Making Friends is Hard

So.....since I left Dagorhir and stopped talking to my best friend, I've been trying to figure out how the heck I'm supposed to branch out and make new friends.

IT IS HARD.

It's hard for me, anyway. I've discovered that I've kind of retreated back to that feeling that I'm intruding, in the way, and don't have anything to say that doesn't sound know-it-all-ish. It's a feeling that has followed me all the way from childhood, and for a while I seemed to bust free of it, but now it appears to have sat on me again.

It's hard to be open, even though I'm generally willing to talk to just about anyone about just about anything. I find that I deliberately close myself off when I'm in public places. Eye contact with anyone at all has always been difficult for me (feels intrusive) so I think I give off a "leave me alone" vibe to begin with. Even when I'm out with Dawn - she's got lots of friends that come by to say hi, and I'm always introduced....but I rarely say anything, or even attempt to include myself or engage in their conversation because, well, THEY are the friends talking to one another. It's that feeling of intrusion again.

I joined a couple forums recently, too - a pottery one, and an Iron Age historians one - in hopes that maybe I'd be able to make some new online friends that way. It worked brilliantly back when I was sewing baby things and had a forum for that, and when I was active in the Dagorhir forums....but again, this time around, I just feel intrusive and irrelevant. Nothing of any real import to say. No good ideas for opening conversation to get to know anyone.

I suppose it probably doesn't help that I don't take very good care of the friends I already have. I'm off of Facebook, I don't call anybody, half the time I don't have the energy for interaction anyway. But what it boils down to, I think, is that I just plain don't miss people, except for one. (I don't even miss my kids when I'm away from them, so please don't take it personally.) And I think that's what is missing. I feel like I need to find new friends because I'm still looking for someone that can fill that "I actually want to talk to you every single day, and see you whenever possible" spot. It might never happen. It took me 34 years to find the first one. It's a frustrating and saddening thought.

But....I'll keep trying. I'll keep taking classes, working, going out with Dawn. Maybe I'll try harder to get over my intrusive feelings and actually allow myself to participate in conversations happening next to me.

Do people get better at talking to relative strangers with practice? Do you have interesting conversation starters that you could share? What's your favorite way to meet new people? Any insight from my fellow introverts? I can use all the help I can get!


- Stell